Sprizee :: A simple girl replete with complications

Reason why I rule.

I wore some new pants today and didn't notice until I was at the office that my pockets were still sewn shut. 

I managed to put on a necklace and my watch but neglected to put on any earrings.  Any idiot knows you don't wear a necklace without earrings, matching or otherwise. 

When I went to turn up the volume on my computer speakers I ended up knocking the whole thing under my desk.  I figure I better start practicing to adjust the volume with my feet because there's no way I'm crawling under my desk to retrieve them.

I've left my apartment before with a black shoe on one foot and a navy blue shoe on the other foot before.  This was back when I was in college.  When I worked at a shoe store.

I'm sure there's more reasons, but I rule so much I already forgot them.

And by rule, I mean, live in a state of constant denial.

Blink. Blink.

The wedding went off without a hitch.  And despite the cold, I managed to shake off the comforts of my covers long enough to comb my hair and make an appearance, albeit an appearance the likes of which deers in headlights everywhere are giving me the evil eye, feeling jealously like they've never felt jealously before.  (Thanks Steve.  Is your flash always set to 11 or did you just turn it up for us?)  The Dude looks like he suceeded in burning a whole right through that plastic case on your camera though.  So I guess that makes us even.

I miss the married couple already.  They're catching a plane tonight to Europe.  They'll be gone for 3 weeks.  I tried to convince them to pack me along with their unmentionables but they're mean and said no.  Then they took out a restraining order and asked me to stop calling them every 20 minutes and saying, "can you hear me now?".  Okay, maybe I didn't ask them.  But whatever.  What kind of boring story is that?  Pretty boring. 

Anyways, 10 of us are meeting up at the Space Needle next week for this.  But the married couple can't make it because they'll be in Europe.  I guess being in Europe is an acceptable excuse for turning down a dinner invitation.  But if they miss another one of these great parties, they better be pregnant, with triplets.  Which is to say, next Wednesday won't be the same without them.

I should start a new career as a phone sex operator. Self employeed! Flexible hours!

I woke up at 1AM with the voice of Suzanne Pleshette.  This can only mean one thing.  I'm sick with a bad cold.  Apparently my ear, nose and throat didn't get the memo about the wedding I'm attending on Saturday.  They better get with the program by tomorrow and be completely healed.  Otherwise, I might just have to...I don't know.  Crap, I better not be sick tomorrow!

Want some insight into my personality?  I can't stop saying, "Hi Bob" and humming the theme from The Bob Newhart Show with my new voice.  Which reminds me, I need to hurry up and get tickets to this.  And if you're wondering why I'd want to see that, than clearly you've never heard this.

Send cold virus evacuating thoughts my way people.  At this point, I'll take all the help I can get.

Frustration Overload

Today I am totally kicking myself for not tossing my gym bag in the car.  I had a perfectly good reason.  I plan on leaving the office earlier than normal today to avoid traffic so I can meet up with some peeps in downtown for dinner before the Arcade Fire show.  But, seriously, this day has been nothing but non-stop pissing me off.  I could really use a good run right about now. 

Do you ever have the urge to just shout FUCK! at the top of your lungs until you can't breathe any longer and you've turned completely red in the face?  Right.  Me either.

Don't let the evil robots silence you. Vote.

I had this horrible dream last night.  I was in a car with a bunch of other people and we drove into this tunnel which was a dead end.  Inside this tunnel these creepy guys were loitering around.  So, being the quick witted person that I am, I told everyone to lock their doors and not open them no matter what.  Then one of the creepy dudes knocked on the car window and asked for a piece of gum, and the brainiac sitting next to me realized he had some gum and decided it would be a good idea to open the door and give it to him.  Idiot!

I don't know why it wasn't more obvious to my traveling companions that these creepy guys weren't going to greet us with tea and biscuits.  Why I was the only person who knew these guys were actually evil robots disguised as humans, I'll never know.  So, you know, as soon as the dufus dude in the car opened the door the robot humans were all over us like butter on toast.  Then some other stuff happened.  I don't really remember the details other than I seduced with one of the evil robots to distract him from killing someone else.  Then some more stuff happened.

Then I was at HFH's house and the room started to shake.  We looked at each other, screamed earthquake and booked it out the door and down the exterior stairwell.  We were almost all the way down the stairs and I can remember thinking, "fuck, now what?  stuff is going to fall on our heads and there are approximately zero trees in this neighborhood big enough to hug", but before I reach the bottom of the stairs, I woke up.

The moral of the story if you live in Washington State, don't forget today is (primary) election day so don't forget to vote.  Okay, so maybe this story doesn't have a moral.  So.

Get in line.

20 minutes (x4) in traffic to get to Puyallup.  20 minutes to park the car. 20 minutes in a line outside to buy tickets to get inside. 20 minutes to stand in line and buy some greasy deep fried curly fries.  20 minutes to stand in line and buy some strawberry shortcake.  20 minutes to wait in line to ride the old rickety rollercoaster.  20 minutes to wait in line to ride the ferris wheel. 

20 minutes left to run around and look at as many animals as possible before all the barns closed.   I think I'm good for another year.  Although, I could use another dose of some strawberry shortcake.

If you're wondering why I'm not returning your phone call, be assured the reason is, contrary to popular opinion, there is such a thing as a stupid question.

When I ask you for a quote and you ask for a bunch of details and I tell you I'm going to email you a picture to give you a general idea of the type of thing I'm looking for, and then I proceed to explain that what you quote me doesn't have be exactly like this, but this is just an idea of what I'm looking for and I'm flexible about my options, I don't want you to call me back and then ask me for more specifics like the size after I've already told you 5x7 or there abouts, as I once again remind you it doesn't have to be exact. 

This isn't rocket science sister.  And I'm not asking for an estimate on how much it's going to run me to buy 200 space shuttles with my company's logo emblazoned front and center.  It's a paper notebook and I don't need a call every 5 minutes to keep me up to date on what vendor is out of what paper stock. 

P.S. I know you didn't just leave me a voicemail explaining the exact notebook I'm looking for is no longer available and would I be interested in something similar instead. Because if that was the case, I would have no choice but to assume that you are officially brain dead and that's just not possible seeing as how you can pick up the phone and call me every 20 minutes with status updates I'll never need.

TV Junkie

Lately, I haven't been watching much tv.  Either I'm not home, there's a netflix movie to watch, or I'm busy making eyes at the fascinating book I'm reading.  Most times I'm not missing much staying away from the tv, since I live my life sans cable, but every once in a while network television comes along and redeems itself. 

I have to say thanks to the three separate people that called during the show to give The Dude and I a heads up that it was on.  Apparently, these people didn't know I had already notified The Dude earlier in the day to set his mental clock for 8pm, and then followed that initial reminder up with 3 other reminders throughout the day, just for good measure.  When I finally walked through the door just before 8pm I still had to remind The Dude because, apparently, I'm the only party in this household who actually remembers any the non-important things. 

So we parked in front of the tv, between fielding calls from people telling us the show that we were already watching was on, and got lost in mocking Bob Ross, The Ballard Driving Academy, and Bill Nye the Science Guy before the rest of the country had any idea who this awkward, spindley wisp of man was.  Oh how I wish Almost Live wasn't dead. 

But since it is, I'll take some new tweed slacks as a consolation prize, if someone feels so inclined to comfort me.

Hand me a bagel. Stat.

After not getting home until around midnight last night, I feel like I have a hangover despite the fact that I didn't have a drop of alcohol. I guess this is just my body's way of say, "Listen lady, you need to"...I don't know, I stopped listening after that.

I'm so tired.  I'm so hungry.  And my brain aches from the overload of thinking about all the work stuff yet to do.  On top of that, I was going to stop at Starbucks on the way in this morning to get some caffeine and something to munch on but I decided against it because there's always food in the office kitchen on Friday.  Whoever normally stocks the kitchen at my office with food on Fridays, didn't this Friday.  Fuck that noise.  Sprizee is getting upset.

Pound for pound

Apparently this thing isn't going to spontaneously start writing itself, which is why after checking back for days, looking for a new post, I've finally decided to step in and give it a push.  I've been busy, lately.  Like today for example.  I didn't get to the office until after 1pm because I spent all morning at Northwest Harvest volunteering my (company's) time, boxing up frozen mashed potatoes, bagging peas, taping boxes together and labeling their contents.  Hey, I figure if I can't help needy people affected by the hurricane, at least I can help some needy people not affected by the hurricane.  Needy is needy, I figure.

So in summary.  I've been busy, I know what 500lbs. of frozen peas looks like out of the box, I still don't know whether I will soon be using  £s instead of $s, and until then I plan on volunteering more of time at Northwest Harvest.  Seriously people.  Great cause.