Sprizee :: A simple girl replete with complications

These things aren't related but let's pretend they are. Or not. Whatever.

Normally I don't post finds like this, but hello, I have a whole category devoted to anything Pink!  So here.  Also, I want this bag but I can't decide what color to get since it doesn't come in Pink!  I'm kidding of course.  Now everything I buy is green.  I'm not really kidding about this, sadly.  Anyways, back to the bag.  Red or black?  Decisions, decisions.   

Crossing things off my To Do List (from 2003)

I'm still using my old prescription, from over 7 years ago, when I got my first pair of glasses.  That changes this week, or next.  Basically, whenever the new pair of frames I just picked out an hour ago decide to arrive. That's because, an hour ago I let some man doctor dilate my eyes in the name of finally getting around to using some of that insurance that normally I just let go to waste intentionally avoid the doctor's office in one selfless act after another of not going to keep the rates really low for everyone else. 

I was just about to go for the Coach ones, then I noticed they had some tacky bling on the sides, and I had to just say no.  (This is where I should have a link because, honestly, Coach and tacky just needs to be seen to be believed, but you're just going to have to trust me on this one because the Coach site doesn't have any frame images that would do this bling frame travesty justice.) I went with some Modo frames instead.

The thing is I may have just picked out the dorkiest set of frames ever and I wouldn't know any better. And the reason I say this is I tried on my first set of frames a few weeks back, and boy howdy, do those scream dork.  3 sizes too wide for a my face and lenses so large Elton John phoned asking for his mojo back.  But I digress.  My point is the new frames are Pink!

Okay, technically they're two toned and the exterior color is super dark red and the interior is the only slightly pinkish but, damn it, this Pink! thing needs to just die already.  Die.  Die.  Die.  In a fiery Pink! car crash, once and for all. 

Trade Off

Be warned people.  If you buy some cute Pink! sandals at Nine West that you decide 2 months later that you didn't need in the first place, and go to take them back, don't walk in there expecting to come out with your money.  Because, apparently, they've implemented a 30 day return policy. That means, you'll end up with a store credit.   What's store credit?  It's this piece of paper that you carry around in your purse until it expires.  Then you find it 3 years later and throw it away.  It makes you feel like you got your money back but you didn't.  And you never will. 

Oh sure, you'll go into the store from time to time looking for something worthy to spend your store credit on but the sheer fact that you have that piece of paper substantially reduces the likelihood of you ever finding anything in that store again that you'd actually want to purchase.  In fact, your proximity to the store credit is directly proportional to the probability of you find something, ANYTHING that you'll want to buy. 

To increase your chances of finding something, it's best to leave the store credit at home, under your mattress, while you're vacationing in foreign country, thousands of miles away, and then, sure, you might find something you want to buy at Nine West.  But those store credits are just paper, they don't keep them on file anywhere fool!, so you'll end up using hard earned cash and still have the store credit.  Oh yes.  It's a law.  Look it up.

Not to mention, that doesn't really work for me considering I don't need any more shoes.  Nine West needs to start selling Sevens 'cause lord knows one pair simply isn't enough.

Currently coveting

Yes, I know, I know.  Shocking that it incorporates so much Pink!

And in other news, in an offsite design meeting early today I interjected a relevant company's tag line into the conversation.  It was none other than Microsoft's latest Your potential.  Our passion. Except I kept saying Our passion. Your potential. And I probably said it at least twenty times like that before someone finally stepped in and corrected me. 

At least I didn't say cent and fronter.

How you like dem apples?

I have a tendency to eat whatever's lying around in my apartment, or on my desk at work, or what's been left in my car for that matter. I also, however, have a tendency to buy fresh fruit and vegetables at the grocery store only to bring them home and let them rot in my fridge or in a fruit bowl on the counter, without ever eating any of them. Not to mention I eat at restaurants. A LOT.

What's my point? Earlier this week The Dude must have gone to the store and picked up some groceries because yesterday there was an apple sitting on the counter that wasn't rotten and didn't need to be thrown away and I hadn't been to the grocery store in over 3 weeks so clearly I didn't buy it. Unless, perhaps, a gremlin put it there? Well, at any rate, there is was sitting there all fresh and unrotten. So I took it with me to work and I ate it with my lunch.

I'm pretty sure it was the best damn apple I've ever had. Now it's not like I keep a running list of my top 10 favorite apple varieties or anything. But still, I wanted to know what kind it was, you know, for future reference. Like when I get all high maintenance at a restaurant and ask for this special variety in my apple tart.

And as luck would have it the apple was marked with a sticker. And folks, you can't make shit like this up. The name of the variety was pink lady. I repeat, Pink! Lady. Yep, that sounds about right.

P.S. I'm currently wearing a Pink! sweater.

P.P.S. And a shirt with Pink! flowers.

P.P.P.S. And Pink! earings.

This has been your monthly Pink! update. Signing out.

[signs out]

Chances are...

It’s pretty much guaranteed that if you “get” the humor of Seinfeld, The Larry David Show and/or The Office we’ll get along just swimmingly. And I haven’t even seen an episode of The Office yet; only a couple promo clips and boy howdy, can I tell how much that is something I would get. People that like sarcasm in large portions are my kind of people.

If you run into me 5 of out 7 days during the week, I’ll be wearing Pink! And not just a little pink, like a shirt with some Pink! in it or a plaid skirt with a stripe of Pink! We’re talking an entire outfit devoted to that which is pretty and Pink! like a sweater that’s bright Pink! or a coat or an entire skirt that revolves around an all Pink! theme. I know. It’s out of control.

Odds are 99.999% that I bought a new item of clothing this week with 2 to 1 odds that I bought multiple items and 3 to 1 odds one or more of those items are Pink!

On average it takes my clothes 2.2 years to make it from the dirty laundry pile to the dry cleaners. You may think I’m exaggerating on this one but seriously, I just brought some stuff to the cleaners that sat in my car for over 1 year. No joke. In fact, truth be told, there’s still another 2 bags worth of dirty dry cleaning at my apartment, waiting to be moved to my car where it will sit for the requisite waiting period in my car, which is apparently 1 year before it gets a go at the cleaners. Oh joy!

I’m all hot or cold (literally and figuratively). Literally: I’m either burning up or freezing my ass off. There is no in between with me. Given the choice between being too hot or too cold, I would choose death. That’s why I’m all bundled up in the winter and stripping clothes off in the summer; constantly searching for that elusive happy body temperature medium. Figuratively: I’ve got no game. I either like you and you know it. Or I hate you and you know it. I have got absolutely no poker face.

InternetS? I heart you.

Seeing red Pink!

Last night while at work the alarm went off. I'm realizing now how sad it is that my only thought about that was, "Man, are some of the people that I work with that stupid? Stupid enough that they would leave with the alarm beeping, warning them..TURN OFF THE ALARM YOU MORON IF THIS IS A FALSE ALARM BECAUSE OTHERWISE WE'LL BE CALLING THE COPS IN 3 MINUTES?".

And there's only one answer to that question and the answer is yes. Thank you idiot coworker who caused the alarm to go off, which caused my ears to start bleeding, which caused me to have to stop doing what I was doing and fix your mistake. Really. I mean it. Thanks so much!

In other news, Sally stopped by my apartment last night. I wasn't going to anwser it or go to the door because, well... I was in my pjs already but then I saw it was just Sally and Sally has an all access pass to my life anytime, anyplace, anywhere. The anywhere part was redundant, huh? Oh well. Besides, I'm sure she's seen me in my pjs before 9pm more times than I care to recount.

Anyhow, long story short she went to the UK during Thanksgiving and brought me back a Pink! pashmina. And last night after she gave it to me, I rewarded her with some fresh baked chocolate chip cookies. After she left I wrapped the Pink! pashmina around my neck and did lots of exciting things like watch tv, read a book and later fall asleep with the Pink! pashmina still wrapped around my neck. I'm so cool. Okay, maybe not. Moving on...

There was something else I was going to mention but fuck if I can't remember what it was. Okay then. This will have to do.

Enough with the pink! already

Seriously, the pink thing has GOT TO STOP. Wait, it gets worse. How you ask?


The jacket was also pink.

Who you calling poodle skirt?

Yesturday someone passed me in the hall at work and hollered "poodle skirt".

I responded with a "Thanks!" paused... and then declared out loud, "I'm taking that as a compliment!" over my shoulder.

Lesson? You take what you can get and move on.


More pink. I know. Don't even start with me.

Finally an epiphany which doesn't involve my hips in any way, shape or form

This weekend I had an epiphany of the shoe variety. I figured out that the one thing that’s missing in my life (besides a job that includes 3 day weekends 4 times a month) is some comfy black leather Mary Janes. I know, I know…I don’t even want to hear it, so don’t start. Hey, what did I just say? Seriously, stop.

First the Pink! thing and now this. What the hell is up with me? Wait, don’t answer that.

I don't think the world is ready for this much cuteness. I know I'm not.

Yet. Can't. Stop.